Do you ever consider yourself to be your own worst enemy?
Do you find yourself constantly badgering yourself for every mistake you make, no matter how small? Or thinking you could have done better? Or rethinking situations for no real reason?
This world is hard enough and then we make it harder on ourselves!
If you’ve been criticizing yourself long enough, you probably don’t even realize you’re doing it. But you can definitely feel the burden that it has put on you and how it prevents you from being truly at peace in your life and with yourself.
Being kinder to yourself falls in the self-love category. Many of us think that self-love is reserved for those who were lucky enough to be born with such a quality or who have special talents that make them worthy of such consideration.
The truth is that you can and should love yourself simply because your life will be a whole lot better when you do.
If you’re ready to stop living with all the negative self-talk, here is the roadmap for how to be kinder to yourself. The best part about it is that you can start right now.
1. Determine What Your Roadblocks Are
You don’t want to think too much about what you don’t like about yourself, as that can lead you further down a negativity spiral. However, you should analyze what is harming your ability to be kind to yourself. This should be done when you’re in a relatively neutral state of mind, not feeling too negative about yourself.
You don’t want to think too much about what you don’t like about yourself, as that can lead you further down a negativity spiral. However, you should analyze what is harming your ability to be kind to yourself. This should be done when you’re in a relatively neutral state of mind, not feeling too negative about yourself.
You can start broadly before getting more specific about why you feel poorly about yourself. For instance, you might say that you have trouble getting things done. That can lead to analyzing that you have problems with motivation. From there, you can work on building motivation and finding more appreciation for yourself.
2. Focus on Your Positive Qualities
The key here is to refute the negative qualities and replace them with thoughts about your positive qualities. Being kind to yourself doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from knowing what you do well and focusing on those traits. Perfectionists can do 99 out of 100 things flawlessly but still not be able to get over their shortcomings on the 100th one. Think about what you do well and think about how you can contribute these talents to the world.
These talents don’t have to be tangible skills, like being able to play an instrument or write calligraphy. They can be as simple as being friendly to others or taking care of your pets. You can learn to see yourself in a much better light by focusing on positive qualities.
Positive qualities don’t have to stay dormant. There’s no such things as being too good at something. When you consider your positive qualities, think about how they can be magnified.
3. Get Out of Your Head
It can be easy to criticize yourself when you’re stuck inside your mind. Just telling yourself to stop thinking negatively isn’t going to work, as the mind tends to do the opposite of what it’s told. You need to take a different approach and look at your situation from a different angle.
Imagine that you’re talking to somebody else, such as a close friend, who’s voicing the same concerns about themselves to you. Would you tell them that they’re overthinking things or that they just need to suck it up and get on with life? No, you would listen with understanding and do your best to encourage them.
The grief you put on yourself would be completely uncalled for if it came from another person. If you surround yourself with people who are constantly criticizing you, it’s time to cut ties. You and your friends should be lifting each other up.
4. Work on Goals
You might have trouble being kind to yourself because you’re dissatisfied with your life’s trajectory. If you know what you want to do and you have the means to make it happen, it’s time to get to work. You might not be able to accomplish everything on your bucket list, but you can definitely make headway with it.
Before you can accomplish your goals, you need to have a plan. Take a goal and outline the steps necessary to make it possible. It can be best to start with a short-term goal, as going too big too soon can make things overwhelming.
It also helps to make your goals actionable. If you want to be a tidier person, it’s not enough to just write down “Be tidier.” What can work instead is making a goal of “clean kitchen.” When you knock out this easily-accomplished task, you can find yourself much closer to a lasting lifestyle change that can give you a much better view of yourself.
5. Use Positive Affirmations
How you talk to yourself can say a lot about how you view yourself. Being kind to yourself means seeing the best version of yourself and stepping into it.
Every day, you should incorporate time for positive affirmations or self-talk. When you’re in the shower, on the way to work, or drifting off to sleep, tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself. Talk about things that make you wonderful, even if it’s hard. Affirmations such as “I showed up today,” “I am whole and complete” and “I have what it takes.”
It can feel awkward to speak positively to yourself when you’re so used to the opposite. To make things easier, try starting with writing down positive affirmations. When you get used to that, transition to vocalizing them.
When you’re kinder to yourself, the magic of the world can become far more pronounced. You can pride yourself on your ability to see the best in yourself. Being kinder to yourself doesn’t mean that you’re deluded into thinking that you don’t have any room for improvement. It simply means that you value yourself as a human.
The kindness you give to yourself can and should be extended. Show the same patience and consideration towards friends, family, and strangers. If there are people who you don’t get along with, think about how a show of empathy could help you mend fences. Life is simply too short to be wasted on pettiness.
Being kinder to yourself can be like being given a key to a room you never know was available to you. Your inner monologue can be altered considerably, as you can stop nagging thoughts about not being good enough and replace them with the understanding that you’re worthy of peace and joy. This is your time to shine, and you should dive into self-love right away.
