definition: sub·con·scious·ly/səbˈkänSHəslē/adverb
in a way that is influenced by the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware.
To act “sub-consciously” means that you are aware, but not fully aware.
To stop self-sabotage, then, you must bring your awareness of self-sabotaging behaviors out of the sub-conscious state and into the light of conscious day.
These 23 common self-sabotaging behaviors may be things you are doing, but you’re not fully aware of. Do any of them hit home for you?
1. Thinking you are not enough or that you are not worthy.
The culture we live in places a heavy emphasis on outer perfection. But behind every carefully polished social profile or seemingly put-together person you pass by out in the real world, there is an actual human being just trying to live their best life – we are more alike than different.
2. Not taking action on important things in your life, especially your goals.
You don’t have to answer to anyone except yourself for your life priorities.
Have the courage to reprioritize so you can take action each day on the most important goals in your life.
3. Not being grateful for what you already have.
Gratitude is an under-appreciated superpower. The more grateful you feel, the more you will find to feel grateful for. Day by day, your gratitude will transform your entire life and welcome more into your life as a result.
4. Not staying organized.
Getting organized may initially require a bit of extra investment of time and energy, but the payoff is it will then free up more time and energy to devote to what matters most.
5. Not prioritizing.
If you always start at the bottom of your to-do list, it is time to ask yourself what you are avoiding at the top of your list. Are the goals too big? Do they feel impossible? Is it just hard for you to do the hard things?
Rather than avoiding them, try breaking these big, important goals down into smaller pieces.
6. Doing nothing because you are afraid of making a mistake.
It is a fallacy that doing nothing is doing nothing. In reality, doing nothing is still doing something – and it doesn’t let you off the hook.
How will you feel at the end of your life if you don’t do that thing you really want to do just because you are afraid of messing up?
7. Saying “yes” to things you should be saying “no” to.
Saying “no” is underrated in today’s “do more, be more” culture. But if you want to know what real power, real authenticity, real focus feels like, learn to say no.
8. Procrastinating, even on small tasks.
Different people procrastinate for different reasons. What is more important than the reason why you procrastinate is what procrastinating costs you. Is it worth it?
Figure out what is causing you to procrasinate and stop that immediately.
9. Talking badly about yourself, to yourself.
When you have fallen into a subconscious pattern of negative self-talk, often this is a behavior you learned early in life. Can you identify the voice you hear in your head as a parent, a teacher, a partner, a boss?
It may not have been okay to talk back then, but it is now. You deserve to speak kindly to yourself!
10. Staying in relationships with toxic people.
Just as optimism is contagious, so too is toxicity. To feel better every day, start surrounding yourself with people who inspire you. It is also very important to eliminate or limit the toxic people you interact with each day.
11. Overthinking and overcomplicating things.
Overthinking is not considered a flaw in our modern culture. We love thinking! However, thinking is just one half of the equation.
The other half is intuition, which comes from feeling. More often than not the answer you seek will be found in your gut and heart, not in your head.
12. On the other hand, acting impulsively and not thinking things through.
Impulsivity can be about fear of losing control or fear of missing out (FOMO).
13. Waiting for everything to be perfect or wanting everything to be perfect.
Perfectionism is another too-frequently celebrated trait in this all-work, no-stop modern world. In reality, perfection is largely a myth, is momentary and is nearly always overrated when it does occur.
14. Caring too much about what others think.
So often fear of what others think is a thin disguise to avoid facing what you think of yourself and why and how those thoughts came to be.
15. Not being mindful of your health.
When you were little, perhaps a parent took charge of your health. It may feel overwhelming to be responsible for your own wellbeing, but it can also feel very empowering.
16. Not asking for help when you need it.
Western culture nearly deifies independence, at the expense of human connection.
Unfortunately, asking for help is one of life’s greatest teachers. If you don’t learn this skill, you miss out on finding out how brave and open you really are.
17. Being closed off.
Closing yourself off is a form of self-protection. When you first learned to do this, it was probably for a very good reason. Now, however, perhaps it is time to learn how to open up in safe ways.
18. Overspending.
Overspending can feel like accomplishing something in the moment, until you realize later that all you have really accomplished is accumulating debt.
Becoming conscious about the consequences of your choices can help you start making better choices.
19. Spending too much time on social media.
Social media can be essential for meeting work goals as well as for networking. However, it can also take on a life of its own and even become addicting, not unlike misuse of alcohol, food, credit cards or substances and for very similar reasons.
20. Staying too busy.
Overwork, like over-absorption in social media, is a convenient way to keep your inner critic placated. But it will never be able to heal the reason you drive yourself so hard.
21. Not having efficient systems and routines in your life that make your life easier.
When you value your time and energy, you want to safeguard it. You are also aware of your own limits and make the effort to put systems in place to conserve as much time and energy as possible for what matters most in your life.
22. When things are good, you are worried the bottom is going to fall out.
Humans may have the most complex and evolved brains of any living creature, but we still share the fight-or-flight response with every other species on the planet.
Being worried about the next potential threat is just your survival instinct at work. It can’t tell the difference between a traffic jam and a saber-tooth tiger. Try not to give it too much of your time and focus.
23. Not being clear on what is important to you and acting accordingly.
When you take time to become quiet and connect with your highest life priorities and values, many of the daily challenges you face start to smooth themselves out.
Which of these 23 common self-sabotaging behaviors are you struggling with? Now is always a good time to become more conscious of the thoughts, relationships and behaviors that hold you back in life.
By working to heal from past hurts and overcome self-sabotaging hurdles, you send yourself a message that you are valuable and your life is worth investing in fully.
