Life is different when you live with Hashimoto’s. I’m not trying to make excuses and I definitely don’t want you to feel sorry for me, but it’s true. Things are different for me.
Most of the time I have it under control and my meds help (a lot!) but it’s still hard.
Some days are better than others and some days are worse. Some days, I actually feel good. But I have to be careful. I have to manage my body differently because of it.
I know it’s hard for you to know exacty what’s going on for me each day. Here’s what I want you to know.
Even though I may seem okay, I’m often not.
I worry that people may get tired of hearing me talk about it, and the bottom line is that I have to get through each day regardless, so I put my best foot forward every single day. You may not even realize I’m struggling some days because this isn’t somethng that is always visible from the outside. Sometimes it’s easier just to pretend I’m okay and carry on. This is what I have to do.
Some days I’m drained to the point of tears.
This isn’t necessarily the same kind of tired you have after a long day. It feels debilitating and it is constant. Autoimmune disorders like Hashimoto’s thyroid disease mean the body can stay in a near constant struggle with itself. This leaves me tired in a way that is almost indescribable to people who haven’t experienced it. Some days even the smallest of tasks seem monumental.
I have to be careful with my energy.
Energy, for me, is not endless. I wake up each day with a certain amount, and I have to use it wisely. This isn’t a “just push through” type of situation for me. The spoon theory puts it this way: I wake up each day with a certain number of spoons I can use for the day. If I have ten spoons, I can get out of bed, prepare breakfast, and have enough leftover energy to get through eight more tasks. If I wake up with one spoon, meaning not much energy, getting out of bed may be all I can do. That’s why I have to be extra careful where I choose to spend my time and energy.
I hate that sometimes I simply cannot focus.
Perpetual brain fog is something I deal with. No matter how much I want to focus on a task, sometimes I just can’t. I know it may sound like an excuse. I promise it’s not. Even tasks I enjoy can prove difficult some days.
My weight fluctuates and it is usually out of my control.
Again, I’m not making excuses. My closet contains a variety of clothes in an array of sizes because my weight does what it wants. Despite healthy eating and exercise, my wait fluctuates often, leaving me unsure of what the scale will say from one day to the next.
It can feel lonely and isolated sometimes.
It’s not always easy to talk about Hashimoto’s and the effect the condition has on my daily life. Because of this, I often feel alone and cut off from other people. Since my energy can be tricky, I don’t always want to make plans or follow through on social activities, and I know this can be frustrating for the loved ones in my life. It’s frustrating for me too and leaves me feeling further isolated.
Sleep is a thing.
Sleep is complicated for me. Even though I’m tired, insomnia is a thing sometimes. On the other hand, there are times when I could literally sleep for 2 days straight. This makes me feel so off balance.
I sometimes feel like I’m lazy, but I know I’m not.
I’m not a lazy person, but I have to remind myself of that often. Since Hashimoto’s, I don’t have the energy to accomplish everything I want to, and my life often looks sloth-like compared to other people.
It’s not all “in my head.”
I feel guilty about it like I should be able to snap out of it and lots of well-meaning people seem to think I should, but I can’t.
Looking at me from the outside, it’s easy to assume this is “all in my head.” Trust me when I say it’s not.
My meds don’t fix everything.
Medication is required for me to manage my Hashimoto’s disease, but it doesn’t cure the condition. Symptoms still exist for me, even on meds. The other part about it is that my dosage can change and when my dosage is inaccurate, my symptoms will flair even worse.
I’m sorry I get cranky and lose my cool.
My mood can go from fine to not without much notice, and I’m sorry for that. This is another one that I promise I’m not trying to make excuses for. Physical symptoms, anxiety, and chronic fatigue leave me irritable and cause me to get upset over little things.
I feel like I’m missing out on life.
There are so many things I want to do, but I don’t have the energy. Even enjoyable activities feel like chores. Sometimes I feel like I am watching the world go on without me.
I am hopeful I can feel better, but I’m also scared I won’t.
Seeing a doctor, taking medication, and doing what I can to help me deal with Hashimoto’s makes me hopeful.
Maybe one day it won’t feel like this disease controls so much of my life. However, I fear making any assumptions about how much better I will feel in the future. The complexity of it leaves me unsure of how many of my symptoms will disappear permanently and if that can even happen.
