Falling in love is one thing, but falling more deeply in love is another. While the reasons why we fall in love vary from person-to-person, it is most couple’s goal, however, to build a strong, healthy and lasting relationship.
Each relationship requires work from both individuals, but it does not mean it should be a painfully challenging process. The truth is you cannot “make” your partner love you more – as in force them to feel something they do not. There are, however, certain things that you can do (or not do) that will keep and strengthen the love between the two of you.
At the start of the relationship, love as an emotion is mixed with eagerness and excitement. Unfortunately, this feeling is usually related to the newness of the relationship and fades over time. Here’s where the “work” part comes into play. The good news is that it the work can be exciting, fun and something that becomes a conscious habit that you feel great about. The bad news is it can also wither as the leaves do in autumn if the conscious effort isn’t made.
Here are some of the most important ways to deepen the love your partner has for you, and you for them!
1. Assess yourself and work on yourself.
No one likes to be around someone who is constantly complaining, has a severaly negative attitude or is picky and lacks compassion and understanding. Does this mean that you should sacrifice the things that matter to you? No. But it does mean that you need to take a serious assessment of your role in the relationship and how you are interactiong.
Are you holding your partner to a higher standard that you hold yourself to? Assess your behaviors, interactions and beliefs about the relationship. Do this in a real way. Don’t just take a moment to think about it. Rather, journal it out, sit in meditation on it, set a calendar reminder to devote the time it takes for you to dive deep into yourself and assess your role and responsibilities in the reltationship.
This is definitely something you will have to continually do forever. But, it won’t be a difficult thing to do after you make it a habit to become more self-aware.
The next step is to work on yourself. Make the changes that you would expect your partner to make. Get the positive energy flowing and continue to work on improving yourself.
2. Know your partner’s love language.
Your love language can differ from your partner. For some, it is when their loved one asks them about their day enthusiastically as soon as they get home. Others find it comforting when their partner rubs their shoulders to help get rid of the tension.
Everyone has a their own love language and while this is a beautiful thing, it can also cause confusion and frustration between couples if their love languages are different. If you have not yet read The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman you need to. Really, you need to. This book is worth taking the time to read. It can change everything for couples, especially struggling couples or couples who want to fall more deeply in love with each other.
Several love languages exist and the technique is to be able to speak your partner’s love language, and for them to speak yours as well. It comes in the form on a conscious effort, but it is so key to creating a stronger, deeper bond. This step is essential.
3. Give them compliments.
People love compliments and giving genuine compliments to your partner can do wonders for deeping the love between you. Make sure you mean them (of course). Shower your partner with praises. Let them know the things they do that mean a lot to you. The ways in which they make you happy. The things you appreciate. Remember, compliments are not just for the big happenings but for the little things as well.
4. Be there for them when they need you.
Are you there for your partner when they need you? Do you make it a priority? This doesn’t mean you have to fix anything. It just means you need to be there. Be present. Make sure your partner knows they can rely on you and that you are there for them.
5. Talk about the past.
It may sound strange for some people but having a genuine conversation about each other’s pasts can take the relationship to a whole new level. Talking about your childhood or other significant (or even insignificant) things that happened in the past can bring you two closer.
If it feels right, take this opportunity to share a tender memory, along with your vulnerabilities and insecurities. Even better, ask them to share with you. This method will make you both feel as if you have known each other on a deeper level. The intimacy that comes from this is real.
6. Have a meaningful conversation when your partner upsets you.
A relationship can never be perfect and it is expected that you and your partner will upset each other at times. What matters here is how you get through it. Communication is key.
When your partner upsets you, talk about it. Don’t keep thing to yourself expecting that they can read your mind. Working through the hurts is so key to developing a deeper love for each other. It is, simply put, how a relationship works.
Verbally express what your partner has done that upset you. You can be matter of fact about it. “I’m mad at you because…” or “I felt hurt when you… and I need to work through this with you.” Make sure it is always approached from the standpoint of wantint to resolve things and that you’re not communicating it simply to be accusatory.
A person who already loves you should be ready to listen, especially when they are able to hear you verbalize it in a productive way.
7. Likewise, express your feelings.
Anytime you have the chance to verbalize your feelings for them, go for it. This is similar to giving out those compliments. Your partner may already know you love them but they would probably still love to hear it more often.
Think about the things you love for your parter to express to you about their feelings and start from there.
8. Be the person they can confide in.
You want to strengthen your bond and help make it last. One of the best ways to achieve this goal is to let them feel that they can talk to you about anything. Assuming you love this person and you accept them fully, there are absolutely no judgments from you or any negative reactions.
You are simply there to listen to them. You only give advice if that’s what they are seeking and you are supportive and loving in response to them. Be the safe place and the bond will definitely become stronger.
9. Make sure you have crystal clear communication when it comes to intimacy.
Many couples disregard the romantic part of their relationship and view it as something “extra,” but not foundational. We are here to tell you that it is one of the foundational elements of a relationship.
You may not have ever thought to ask your partner about what does it for them, intimately and romantically. Or, maybe you think you know. They key here is to ask! Find out what turns them on, what they want, what they like and what really does it for them. As part of their response they will likely ask the same question to you.
Satisfying each other physically goes a very long way in terms of deepening the love. Many couples report that this alone has helped strengthen all other areas of the relationship.
10. Do something new.
If you’re in a rut, get out of the rut. Do something new. It doesn’t have to be extra special or extravagent in any way. Just new. This stimulates parts of the brain that brings you back to when you both felt that newness and excitement when you first got together.
Recreate the feeling of what it was like when you were just starting out by doing new things.
Start to incorporate these 10 ways to make your parter fall more deeply in love with you. You’ll find yourself falling more deeply in love too. Your relationship can get better – whether you are struggling or whether you think it is already amazing. From improving your communication to making them feel appreciated, these little efforts go a very long way toward a more loving and stronger relationship.